If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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