Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
