My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bring money and cleavage
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
