oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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