He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
