All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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