I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
