making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
