I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
