the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
