That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Randomize
