I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
