I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
