Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
