I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
