he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
