FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
