im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
