What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
