my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize