i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
