i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
