Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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