I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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