So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
