We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
