planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
