she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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