No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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