Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
