I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I will pee on everything he values.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
