he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
