When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
