Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
