She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
