I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
