Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize