I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize