Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize