I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize