So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
