I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
