bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
