I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
