Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize