I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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