I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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