barbara walters just said penis...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize