At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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