remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
