you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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