I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
