Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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