i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
