D3 body, D1 cock
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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