I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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