i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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