Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
