Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
