You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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