this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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