There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
