I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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