Someone shit on the floor
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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