Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
