I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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