Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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