Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
