dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
