opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
its liver damage thursday
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
