Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
