i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
