i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
