We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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