Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
