Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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